Goddamit triceratops, stop falling off the milk!!

Fifty Shades of forced scuba diving.

Always have a retractable Jesus!

Being evil turns you into a lizard. 

I like my sushi the way I like my men: Cut up and wrapped in nori.

You see what happens when you leave us alone?! We turn into a darn horse!!

Who needs to wear pants, we’re in college.

He shouldn’t be named Twinkie because he’s a horrible person. 

Never give a girl in cat ears coffee. 

It’s like Christmas, but horrible.